Killer Thoughts
by Arutachi Tsuruada
Summary: She thinks she is alone. She had tried to kill herself. She will try again. All she wants is love, a family to call her own. And what she doesn't know, is that she wants him.
1. Dear Diary

Dear Diary,  
  
Hi. Do you ever think that someone will come for you? I used to think  
  
that. Then no one showed up, no one rescued me, and no one ever fell  
  
in love with me. This is my story.  
  
Kagome Higurashi 


	2. Life, or End Thereof

Kagome sighed dejectedly. As much fun as the Fuedal Era was, she still had to leave every once and a while to attend school. Which is why today she skipped. After all she wouldn't need school after this. It wasn't as if she wanted to fail, absoulutely not, it was just that.... Her life was in the past. Inuyasha was in the past. The pitiful thing was that Inuyasha had already told everyone that he had taken Kikyou as his mate, how did Kagome ever think to win him back from such a bond?  
  
Nothing was the way it seemed. Nothing was the way she wanted it. Nothing was fair. Who said life was fair? They should have been (And probably had been...) murdered. A terrible, gruesome, possibly excessively creative murder.   
  
Kagome wished slightly that she knew where she was going, after all, its not every day you get to chose where you want to die. Is it? She wondered how many people had commited suicide. I mean, sure, they had the populated average of how many people commited suicide every year, but in that there is each a different story, a different life that was lost, and a different family that was (Or wasn't) left mourning. It was all very depressing, having all of this in your head and no one to tell it too. Maybe thats why things like this have been simmering in her brain so long, no one was there to tell it to.   
  
Maybe if someone loved her, she wouldn't be doing this, wouldn't be on her way into the deserted area of a park with a sharpened knife in her pocket, wouldn't be thinking of how she would be found later that day, wouldn't actually even be thinking of her future in any way except blood and death. It scared Kagome to no ends. There was nothing left here, not in the world of the living. Nothing. She was alone. Her mother had been getting drunk these past few weeks, beating her and her little brother, yelling about how Kagome had ruined her life, and how she hated her. Her grandfather was in the hospital, dying at this very moment. He had been decreasing in health for the past few months, deterioting slowly, painfully, and this morning the hospital called and said that today was probably going to be his last day alive.  
  
Kagome had mailed a notice to the police about her mother beating Souta, and now she was going to be able to sleep for eternity. 


	3. Taken Care Of

The air was crisp and chilly, as if the weather itself objected to what Kagome was about to do. But what else was she supposed to do? No one offered her any comfort, Miroku and Sango were off in their own little world, Shippou was to young to bear such pain about the person he thought of as his mother, and Inuyasha? Please. She maybe suicidal, but she wasn't stupid. That ass-hole would let her fall faster than a hot potato. After all he now had Kikyou, who could do Kagome's job the same, even better thatn she could ever hope to do. Kagome's pale brown eyes sweeped over the little area she had found. Good enough, she supposed. It was behind thick thorned underbrush, and had a rusting bench in the middle with morning flower vines covering most of the back of it. Perfect. Now that she noticed it, most of her life had been centered around clearings. She plopped down with a sigh on the bench.'Things are just so....stupid.'She touched the blade in her pocket softly. Was she really going to do this? Was living a   
  
life without love worth living? Was it a life without love? Impossible. There is just no such thing as happiness, well, at least not for Kagome, anyway. Sadly she looked into the dimming sunlight, knowing that something would happen. The one thing that bothered her the most that she was leaving at least two people behind that she thought loved her, Shippo and Souta. Though after her mother was arrested she and Souta would most likely be seperated into foster familys, and the well... It would end up like any other dried up well. Kikyou could take care of Inuyasha, Miroku could take care of Sango, Kaede could take care of all of them including Shippo, Souta would have a nice foster family, the police would have mom, and Granpa would be dead. Perfect, no one needed her, no one wanted her. What a wonderful world. 


	4. Pop

I was stalling. I knew it, but I had no idea why.

"Please..." I goaded myself taking the sharpened knife out of my coat pocket. 'Try, try now...' I thought, near desperation. I wanted this, didn't I?

Yes.

I felt the point of the knife next to my skin and a rush of adrenaline went through me. I pressed down hard, and felt the knife respond to my wrist in a hateful way. I cut deeper, knowing I had already cut through my vein.

It was almost done.

I took the knife in my other hand, covered in dark red blood, the same hand that already was losing strength, and I cut down just as hard on my right wrist. I felt the most sickening 'pop' again that signaled that I had cut through the other vein, and I sighed. I layed down fully on the bench, and waited until I blacked out.

'I-I did it. Finally...'

And then everthing was black. The color of darkness. The color that is the end of everything.

And I was grateful.


End file.
